Thursday, December 2, 2010

Birth Days

Today is my birthday. Since becoming a mother this day has become more about my mother and I no longer feel I only have one birthday but 4, my own and one for each of my children.

When I had my first child it was her birth day but it was mine as well. On that day I was reborn and became a mother. Before having children had someone told me this simple truth I would've nodded my head in agreement but never understood the full extent of it. Until I experienced bringing a child into the world myself I didn't realize how huge an impact my birth and my siblings' births made on my mother.

Birth is one of the most incredible experiences in the world and no matter how it occurs it is miracle. I have had three very different births but each one has been amazing and wonderful, whether it was the birth I would've chosen or not, because that's the way my child came into the world. I think this is how each mother feels to an extent. We can have many things we like and dislike that happened in our birth experiences, but the fact our children was born is the most important factor in the end. However, it's not the only factor.

Just because our children are healthy does not mean the birth experience doesn't matter. We have a right to be upset about how it turned out, to be angry. And we have the right to learn from what happened, to educate ourselves and whether we go on to have the perfect birth experience or not to know we did everything in our power to give our children and us the best birth possible.

Neither of my first two birth experiences were what I wanted. The first was what my daughter needed though. Our plan was a natural delivery with a midwife. The best delivery for C ended up being a c-section under general anesthesia with EXIT procedure. I went to sleep and woke up a Mommy. I first met C in the hospital hallway in a red transport incubator. I had her at 8 am and didn't get to hold her in the NICU until that night. She had to be tube fed then bottle fed then finally was allowed to breastfeed when she was 5 days old and go home at a week old. As a birth experience it sucked honestly. I pray my daughters and daughter in laws don't go through what we did but I can't change it and I don't regret it. It was what she needed and that's what in the end made the difference in my feelings about the experience. It was a miraculous birth as is she.

My birth experience with my son's birth wasn't what I wanted and it wasn't what he needed and for that I can only blame myself. I do not regret his birth, I regret that I didn't educate myself and I didn't question my doctor at the time. I trusted him when he told me I needed another c-section. I now know that it was not necessary at all unless you consider a doctor's vacation schedule to be a good reason to do major abdominal surgery and deliver a baby whose lungs may be immature. Despite the issues I have looking back though I still think this birth was another miracle. It's a miracle my son was healthy and perfect. It's a miracle I didn't have any complications from the surgery and it's a miracle he was born into the world.

My third miracle and fourth birth day finally was the best of both worlds. I got to experience the miracle of birth once again, but I also got the birth experience I wanted which was also the best delivery option for my baby. I will add my VBA2C story soon so others can read my experience.

I have learned and grown from each of my children's births and our birth experiences and I will continue to celebrate my main birthday as well as each of my Birth days. I will always say "Happy Anniversary of becoming a Mother/Father" to my friends and family members when their children turn a year older. And I know that each birth is about the birth of a mother, the miraculous birth of a child, and the birth experience. It all matters, it all affects the mother, who she is and who she will become. It doesn't always work out but if you educate yourself so you know it was truly honestly the best delivery option for you and your child it will make a difference.

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